Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The Year goes by...

Time is completing its cycle and we are again back to square one.. err... I mean January one. It was an amazing year for me. There are few times in life when you feel nothing could have gone wrong. Few times when you can feel it in your bones that their is no lion behind the door. This year was one such time slot for me.

I am not saying there weren't any mistakes or glitches. But this time these were my mistakes that I could sort out. This time I was in control, of myself.

This year was so contrary to last year that I can barely recognize the person living that year. I have multiple times declared that 2009 was the worst year of my 22 year ride. In that regard, 2010 is among the best.

As I look around I feel that I am not the only one who can say that. My friends must be feeling the blessings of 2010 too. Few are going to have a complete revamp of their life after this year. Passing from college they will turn into adults. As for me, I am still the child that went crazy after buying my first computer, only this time it was my sister's android. My desire still hover in the video games. The game boy has turned into a PS3 and parents still are trying that I grow up.

I changed a lot in these years and somehow as the year of graduation is closing in I feel I am changing back. The passion is back and so is the pagalpan (madness).

Let's see what 2011 does to me.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Another nightout.. Another dawn..

It has started feeling that the exams times have reached the shores of my minds psyche again. For one, the light of the area went. This is the first sign that exams are approaching- something like the first gray strand. IIT really wants its students to study all year long maybe. Another reason obviously is the fact that I am no longer remotely interested in studying, a feeling that reverses itself just after the exams. :)

Talking with friends till long nights is another tell-tell sign. But most importantly, I want to write again. My wheels of my mind have started churning again and hopefully some butter will come out this time.

Reading, I have always maintained is the best form of educating oneself. It is the most precious way as it is gives the most bang for buck. Real life beats books I agree but only if you have the guts to learn from your experiences. Believe me, few have those guts.

It is after a long time that I woke through the night till breakfast. 4 or 5 is alright, it is after all not the same. But now, seeing the sun rising I am enchanted by it. As I am being bathed with yellow tinge giving me the look of a jaundiced patient (mind you, I haven't slept as well) I feel a new vigor. I sense of life flowing through my veins.

I do not know whether it is the novel that I read, the night out or the glowing morning. Maybe it is the sombre music playing or maybe the movie I saw yesterday. Whatever it is, whatever is feeding this, It is AWESOME!!

I feel ALIVE!!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Ek nazm- After a long long time

Rukti rukti aahat si aayi hai kaanon mein.
Kisi ne shayad galti se khatkhataya hoga darwaza.
Ya fiza ne phir jhoom ke
Daaman phailaya hoga apna
Neend gehri hai karvat leni hogi.

Padha hai subah ke akhbaar mein aaj
Balatkar hua tha muhalle mein raat ko
Kisi ka darwaza to khatkhataya hoga usne
Raat ko muhalle mein logon ki
Neend bohout gehri hoti hai..

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


There always is a time when I hate the moment that I am living. And suddenly it becomes a moment that comes repeatedly in my life and every time it comes it becomes less hated until it is actually liked. I remember many such moments.

For instance, when I started jogging I hated it at first. And the moment when I was completely exhausted my body hated me and I agreed with my body. But now, the moment is quite acceptable. It is not yet loved though.

I also remember the first time I smoked, I coughed and hated it. Then the moment became acceptable and at one point of time I actually liked that moment. Thankfully the phase passed and now I don’t like it anymore. Same goes with alcohol.

These moments in themselves do not change as you might have noticed. All of these moments are exactly the same at all points in time. What changes is the moment that precedes them. As my health improved I started liking that and my likeness to moment increased with it. Same goes with the other two things.

What I conclude is that because sometimes we do not know the future the present moment that we live seems the worse we can have in life but looking back it was an awesome moment in all.

So, why so much philosophy?

Because one such moment recently came into my life. Me, along with Aamir and Vince went in to explore the campus- hiking if you may say. We saw the uphill and went for it. I did not like it one bit. I retorted a bit but in vain. Then we saw some stairs that were going up and I felt exhausted. Still, we were going up. Then, more uphill and more stairs till we reached a building on top of the hill. Climbing that building I found bliss (which as you will find soon was replaced with another happier feeling).

We could almost see the whole neighbourhood. Mountains showing their magnificence and trees riding them like riders their steeds. Greenery all around exhibiting a natural beauty so glorious that it seemed other worldly. I come from an industrial city and to me this is a holiday despite work. After absorbing as much we could from those moments we trod downhill.

First we tried the walking and it pained our feet. Then we left our hesitance behind and started to run like the stallions. As the gravity supported our cause it became a moment thrilling beyond imagination. Wind flowing, we ran the whole distance in a few minutes. And all the while doing so we were laughing like hell. The thing was so funny that we could not control our laughter.

We did the same thing the next day and this time the moment of going up did not seem so hard. In fact the feeling of coming down gave our feet a little bounce every time they pushed the ground to go upward.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Lost in time and Space

Quantum Physics: Modern worlds most amazing creation. It is rarely that something has so much of an impact on the logical mind. We practically have to change the way we look around ourselves to merely grasp any part of it, let alone believe it.

Relativistic: Then there is the theory of relativity given by none other than the great Albert Einstein himself. His potent at even thinking what he thought admires me. It is almost magical. If there is a God then I can bet my heaven on the fact that God nudges him with hints. Alone it is a feat of shear impossibility. Then again, you don’t become great by doing what has been or can be done. Impossibility is the prerequisite of greatness.

I often wonder how the world is created. What possibly could have triggered this? I know there is an argument of existence of God but I am not interested in who created it. I would like to bypass this question for time being. The question is- Why?

If God created it then why? If it happened by itself then why? God must have had a reason, any reason to make a universe. Was he getting bored or was he lonely? Maybe we are his playthings, dolls if you may. I dunno but I would sure like to know why am I here.

Then again this might all be a chance. But if it was triggered, then there must be a trigger to all of it. I want to know the initiator, every reaction has one. This is my question that is bothering me today. Not whether there is a God or not, but why are we created anyway?

Please do tell me if you have an answer.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Ek tanhayi bhari maut chahiye

Kyun shor ho raha hai itna
Koun aaya hai aaj phir mujhe jilane
Raat kshitij pe dikhti hai ab
Sapne khushnuma aa rahe hai sirhane

Dur bhagao sabko, alag karo mujhse
Mujhe is shor se ab mukti chahiye
Khub sun liye duniye ke kehkahe
Ab bas ek tanhayi bhari maut chahiye.

Dost dushman sab hi to ajnabee hain
Dil se nikalti aah ko sunta nahi koi
Sabko matlab hai apne kaam se yahan
Meri taqleef kahan samajhta hai koi

Na mujhe kisi ki madad ki hai zaroorat
Na hi kisi ki koi sahanbhuti chahiye
Neend ke aagosh mein hai zindagi
Ab bas ek tanhayi bhari maut chahiye..

Monday, April 5, 2010

Monologue- Not for anyone but me.

I am a lost soul, I confess. For a few years now I have been living a meaningless and wandering life. This life is a divine mixture, rather a blend, of soliloquy and speeches. On one hand, I have been among everyone as a group part of the giant symbiosis, sharing my emotions, thoughts, life, even a part my being itself with everyone of them. On other, I have never been more lonely in my whole life. I look back and I yearn to be there. It is very ironical as I never remember much about the past. I have always been a dreamer. So much so, that sometimes I can not differentiate between reality and imagination. Like Lewis Carol's imaginative creation- Alice, I too create humungous world in which I am the truth and I, its lies. I am the God and I only, the lowly peasant. It is this person to which I want to go back. Why?

Because I am in pain, a terrible pain. A pain so excruciating that sometimes I have to physically hurt myself to lose the sight of this pain. No, I am no masochist, don’t take me wrong. At least I was not one. Not sure anymore. But this pain relieves me of the pain that my mind exerts over me. The pain that has become part of my very identity which I do not know a way to separate from this body without tearing apart my whole self. I do not have a cure and now not even the pride to hide it from anyone. Earlier, a boastful and bashful guy would take over me and fight for me. Now, I just hide in my room sitting alone, running away, from my friends, my enemies, even my shadow. Frankly, I am just plain scared to go out so much that I prefer to bunk the classes which I can attend and sometimes even skip meals. My only haven in these precarious times is my home which I frequent as often as I can. There, lying in my mother’s feet I feel safe, safer than I have ever felt in the room-my shelter here.

I want to run away from all this. Maybe skip a few years and jump off from here. Or maybe go back in time and live my childhood again. I do not know where should I go but I know for sure where I do not want to be. I know not what will bring peace to my aching heart but I know the intensity of its beatings. I know not whether I will find answers to the questions flooding my brain but I know no one else can answer them.

I truly pity my friends right now. I know they are confused, angry, maybe even hurt. They do not understand what is going on. They see a guy loosing it. First he stopped doing standard jobs, then he excused himself from important stuff. Now, he is not attending classes, skipping meals and avoiding them. What is next? His will to act is gone. How far will his will to survive last? Will he come back from this setback? Will he gain what fervor he had? Even a fraction of it. What has happened to him? Or maybe he was always like that and it is now that they have realized it. Every question must be looming in there mind making its presence know in my presence. They must be having there own explanations for this behavior. Some may have dismissed as a phase, some might be thinking that I am a nutcase and was so always. Some might have any other creative theory. Few might be considering themselves at fault, others me. But I blame no one, not even myself for a change. I don’t know why.

Sometimes life just sucks. Reason is not needed. Or maybe this is how life seem to a person who is in depression. What could be worse than a scared depressed maniac bordering masochism? Maybe a sadistic psychopath. I , at least am not trying to kill anyone yet. I will not say that this lucrative thought has not crossed my mind. I just had a few lines coming to me from a movie-

You can not treat every situation as life and death matter because you will die a lot of times.

Nice one, eh? I know what you are thinking. From where did this came. I told you earlier- a precious balance of solitude and multitude corresponds my life.

I do not understand death, yet it is one of the topics I think about a lot. I am scared of death, though I am not afraid to die. But if I have to give a definition of death I would say it is the point from where there is nothing to look forward to. This is where I am standing right now. Maybe I have died.

I just wish some one could bring me from the dead. My guardian angel perhaps.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Home and Back.

This is a tale of two journeys in a span of three days. In a hurry to reach home I could not get proper reservation. So, from here a general ticket and 200 Rs. ensured that I was allowed to stay in sleeper coach. But that didn’t get me a seat and till 2:30 am I was just sitting and hoping to get some sleep. After that I got a seat (finally!!) and was devoid of it in a few hours again. Luckily I instantly got another bed to savor.

What was so interesting in it? I mean isn’t it the tale of every other college guy travelling through train. Sure! But how many travel with a dog beside them? Smile

When I woke up in the morning I saw a German Shepherd (2 months old) sitting where I sat during my journey. It was I remembered, the one I saw in the railway station as well. So it must be travelling with me from the beginning. What luck!!

Then I went to bus stand and well.. sat on a bus and started reading comics. After half an hour I realized that the bus was circling the stand and I wasted hour an hour of mine. Anyways, finally I reached home.


Coming back I had no reservation again so a general ticket I bought. Then I decided out of whim to try the general compartment as well. Saving the money of my parents! Wink
It was fun to travel though now I am completely exhausted, sleep-deprived and tired. And everyone should try general compartment once for experience.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Love once, love again.

It is not easy I know.

It ain’t tough though as well.

It is just a bit different, that’s all.

When you have lost all.

Your dream is achieved maybe.

Or your passion destroyed.

It feels lonely, dark and desperate.

It is an empty feeling and hopelessness.

Tis’ time anyway.

To leave it all behind, far behind.

You have loved, you have lost.

You have loved and you won.

But history is what holds this story now.

Let it lie there alone and marinate.

After life it will be your accomplice,

In the matters of heaven and hell.

A fresh start is all you need.

Memories are what you want.

Leave your wants behind, put ‘em away.

Fulfill the needs, life takes care anyway.

You have loved once,

You will love again.

Reboot your life, it shall float again.

It is time, you know it too.

It is time.

Love once, love again.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Crush, Love and Obsession.

The question that I want to ask today is that are they governed by the same underlying feeling or not. I am not talking about the actions. Actions are always definers of our personality. But the thoughts are the real definitions. In other words actions are the manifestations of our thoughts which is the true inner, hidden quality.

So, these thoughts or feelings, are they different for crush, love and obsession?

Maybe, these are all actually identical with their source being the same pounding of heart or thumping of brain. All the hormones reacting in the same way in both the scenarios. The only difference that arise is from the way it seems to the other person. That is, our actions are what provide the necessary recognition to them.

You might say, what is the difference in them or how does it matter what someone thinks till their actions do not incorporate that thought? My answer is- You are absolutely correct! It does not matter if all you want is an acquaintance with the person. But what about someone you care about. Will you be happy if that person acts like a zombie or maybe a doll? And sometimes it is not because of society or circumstances. It is just because a person has accustomed himself or herself to it.

Also, if you know the mind you rule it. And whosoever rules the mind rules the world. So won’t it be better to know what someone is thinking and doing and why is the discrepancy occurring.

Back to the original thought, what is the difference between crush, love and obsession? Are they same beings with different personalities or are they actually different?

I do not know the answer to it, yet. If anyone has please do tell me.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Not again!!

A moment of truth came
Life is so fickle, it dawned
Nostalgia overtook, panic rose
Phoenixing its way in my heart
Why? Oh! Why it happens?
Over and over again.
”Death, please have mercy.
”Oh death! just this once.”
Cries like these echoed in my ear
Deafening roars of silence then ensued.
Tears also fulfilled their duty
Brimming the eyes, flowing a river.
’Twas but for a moment
Then, it was a vaccum.
Loneliness, sadness and grief
Each is a word compared to what this feels
As life in death’s clutches just squeals.
All that can be done has been done
Every attempt, try went in vain
All that is left in the end,
A hollow chest, an empty mind
My life ahead and you behind.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010


Ek alfaaz nahin to
               Ek harf hi likhne do.
Zindagi ki kitab mein,
               Kuchh to aur bharne do.

Waqt khatm sa hai main jaanta hun.

Faqat mere liye, ek pal,
               Ek lamhe ko dheere chalne do.

Yahan ki khushbu bator lun main
Nazaare nayaab aankhon mein bhar lun main.

Phir to ikhtitam hona hai
Aainda ek anjaam hona hai

Jaanta hun main ki sach kya hai
Faisle ki nazakat kya hai.

Phir bhi
Khaali pade safhon pe
                Syahi thodi to padne do.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

I am a Poet

I Am a Poet

When the world is turning left, I look right.
When it's waltzing, I tango.
I do them well. Just not always in rhythm.
I'm great at a party, if I'm engaged.
Otherwise, I sit and observe.
I do that well, too.

When the world is laughing, I cry.
When it's being loud, I make quiet.
I do them well. Just not at the right time.
I'm a good friend, if I'm focused.
Otherwise, I'm thinking of other things.
I do that well, too.

When the world is flying by too fast, I walk.
When it's crawling, I peddle faster.
I do them well. Just slightly out of sync.
I'm great to talk to, if I'm listening.
Otherwise, I'm at peace with the ants crawling.
I do that well, too.

Do I always feel comfortable in my skin? No
Do I see beauty where there is blight, and,
discomfort, when I could be smiling? Sometimes.
But, I know who I am. And, why.
Am I easy to live with? Yes, if I'm writing.
Otherwise, I'm always searching for another question.
I do that well, too.
I am a poet.


link: http://tinyurl.com/yegh7bj

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Aao ek naam rakhein.

Thandi raaton mein mere badan ki hararat mein simte hue

Tumne ye khayal jo bola

Mera tasavvur mera zehen dono is safar pe chal pade

Kahan abhi to ek ehsaas ki takhleeq hi hui thi

Ek khwab ne neendon mein angrai leni shuru hi ki thi

Aur tum mujhe jaga rahi ho

Bevajah udte armaano ko

Hawa mein ek manzil dikha rahi ho

Tumhari aankhon mein dekha

To in bandishon mein rehne ki himmat aane lagi

Tere labon ko chuma

Thahar gayi ye lad.khadati zaban

Harf-harf jodkar

Naam koi jo ho umda

Vo ek alfaaz banane lagi

Mere zabin pe padi shikan dekh.kar

Tum khilkhilane lagin

Bahon mein apni sametkar mujhko

Shareer chamakti nigahon se chhedte hue

Hansti awaaz mein tumne kaha

Aao, is rashte ka naam hum ‘gumnaam’ rakhein..

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Why pigs are better than you?

This is an awesome article. Hope you like this post by the oatmeal and look at the other posts there. Betcha you shall like ‘em..



Tuesday, January 19, 2010


Alvida ek aur main keh dun ab.
Jaana mujhe safar pe aage hai ab.

Aansuon ne panha le li hai kahin aur.
Aankhein tanha hi raha karti hain ab..

Hum hum rahe hi nahi to kya kahein.
Duniya bhi kitni badal gayi hai ab..

Raat aayi, chali bhi gayi zindagi le ke.
Tabassum atki hui reh gayi hai ab..

Monday, January 11, 2010

That 70s show

I have started watching a new show- ‘That 70s show’. I thought that this semester I will finally will stop watching any soaps or sitcoms and the idea tanked.

That 70s show is really awesome. It is a basic sitcom with teenagers forming the basic characters and the 70s middle-class as the backdrop. Four guys and two girls forming the group with two love stories (till where I have seen i.e. first season). I have just started seeing the second season and it is really good. After F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and HIMYM I did not think that I will like a new show instantly but guess laughter always has a way to reach me. :D

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Ho jaaye ek ye imtehan bhi

Chalo, ho jaaye ek ye imtehan bhi.
Hum yaad unhe aaye bhi aur na bhi..

Dil dhadakta rahe khoon behta rahe.
Aur saath sard pada rahe ye jism bhi..

Laathiyan leke aayein hain jo log.
Dard unhe kabhi mera nazar aaye bhi..

Raat jo kabhi aansu de un aankhon mein.
Subah ke saath sookh vo jaayein bhi..

Ek tanhai hai saath nibhane ke liye.
Kabhi milne vo mere dar pe aaye bhi..

Friday, January 1, 2010

Raat garm hawa chali thi

Sard us din dhoop ho gayi thi
Us raat garm hawa chali thi.

Saans bhi hothon pe ataki hai
Awaz bhi jaane kab nikli thi.

Harf alfaaz nahi bante hain ab
Gazal to kab ki mar gayi thi.

Maut aa bhi jaaye to kya hai
Zindagi ab bebuniyad si thi.

Ishq pe yakeen khuda ne dilaya
Jaane khata meri ya khuda ki thi.