Sunday, May 17, 2009

My II-year.

The whole year of my life just flashed before my eyes while I was surfing through the pages of 'Renaissance' - a mag. I became editor... correction... head-editor of.

This would be one of the most dynamic year of my life. I became a head-editor and it turned out to be actually a job! But what an experience it was. It even ended with a bang. ;)

I improved upon my C.G. which hopefully will be above 7 by end of third year. The best part is that studying has nothing to do with it. I saw loads of movies, read a few novels, listened to new types of songs and tried dance as well (I suck at dancing, for now!)

I felt 'love' and that is considered a miracle by some. And like every 'love' in the history of man-kind this one too did not have a happy ending. I do not regret how things turned out. I am sad but regret is pity and I do not pity myself for my wrong decisions or choices.

'Depression' was another feeling that I felt (maybe not the first time) but definitely the longest. People commit suicide when their heart breaks. I, now, understand them though I shall still say- "Hold on! shall pass." I am totally against suicide.

I felt insanity, once again touching me and reminding me what I had lost over the years. I accredit this to a novel- "Veronica decides to Die" by 'Paulo Coelho'. It reminded me of the dreamer inside me and the craziness I had been holding in me.

Change is inevitable and seeing it happening to me before my very eyes shock me. I changed from a sensitive, unselfish, arrogant boy to a sensitive, selfish, arrogant young man. Then met my breakup and became a lost traveler. Later, with help, I lost my arrogance and selfishness together and became a nice guy. But the final twist remained and now I am a cusp- torn between a sensitive, unselfish, unarrogant man and insensitive, selfish and arrogant child. The two are so different I even named my alter ego- 'TRYST'.

I do not know where I will go from here but I have faith in people close to me. My mother especially, will not let me tread a path I regret.

Two discoveries also I might throw in as well. A sink and a source. To one I talk all my dilemmas and doubts. With other I share her emotions. I like them both, for totally different reasons. I like to talk to them for long hours and I never thought that two people of same age can generate so vast emotions in me. Its .... enchanting. For one I am protective, near other I feel protected. Talking to one is a man with experience, somber and composition. Other gets to see a child with wild ideas, fantasies and a Narnia that he has created in his mind.

Its two and a half months now before my college begins again. Before my third-year starts. I do not know how these two and a half months will change me but one thing I do know for sure. Last four sems have seen four different Kunals and the fifth sem. will be no different.

PS- There is too much I want to, so much I need to and much more I can-not tell.

1 comment:

arvind said...

right buddy...

i ve not counted but ya i ve also seen many KPs [or may be many faces of the same KP]...