Thursday, May 28, 2009

Death scares me.

A thought just struck me.

We all die. It is such a common phenomenon that no one ever questions it. As we were born we shall die. It is the only reality; the bottom-line. But what happens after we die. What happens? Do we just vanish? Is there a soul? Is there God?

Just imagine the toiling one does in this world. Since birth all we do is learn, for survival. Be it walking, dancing, learning science, going school or clearing JEE. Every action is just a manifestation of the underlying current which points towards survival in this world which even after so much humanization is nevertheless, still cruel. We need big bucks to live better. I would not use happy as it is a state of mind. But the truth remains the same anyhow. We may not be animals but the rules still are the same. The act has sophisticated itself, that’s all.

I am however straying from my point. The point is that even after doing all this we die. Period.

A housefly has a life of about 2 days. All it does is find food and then a place to lay eggs and then die peacefully. Why peacefully? Because it shall live even after its death in the larvae that will take birth. This was its aim in this world and it completed it successfully. A fly has the bliss of ignorance, we humans unfortunately do not have this luxury. We know that our children are so different from others that we can not call that surviving exactly. (Though the idea is so awesome that I definitely will have a child of my own sperms. My only ticket to survival.)

Anyways what I mean is that we will eventually die and maybe our work will be appreciated afterwards. All good and bad things will be said about us but they do not matter now, do they? I am not a great believer of God. Agnostic by definition and close to atheist practically. So according to me after this heart stops its all over. Finish. The End. Good bye. Sayo-nara. Whatever you want to say. And this scares me. It scares the hell out of me. Because it means that I am a waste. I read about making a difference and changing myself so that people remember me but even when all these lovely words are flowing in my ears I can hear a murmur. This murmur today I realized were three words which my mind played continuously in the back. “You die anyway.”

Sorry for being dramatic but WE DIE ANYWAY!! And what after that. Nothing. Blank. Every happiness, sorrow, jealousy, hate, love is a blur. A useless stroke of hormones mingling in a chemical reaction which comes in a bottle with an expiry date.

If though there is a heaven then I might live, maybe in after-life but still  in some form. Even hell seems a better option than oblivion. There is a sentence in ‘Harry Potter’ said by ‘Dumbledore’. “Outright hatred is better than complete ignorance.” Similarly hell seems a better option than no existence at all.

I never thought I would say this but the romantic thought of the existence of a God or maybe multiple Gods is much more pleasing to me than the absence of one. I may call myself atheist, agnostic or by any other name, the truth though is that I am actually hoping for a God because it is only by the survival of this God do I survive death.

6 comments:

Goran said...

Please re-read the first half of the housefly part.

You want something scarier than death? How about trying to figure out why we are here, or even if we are really here?

There is no point in freaking out over death. Don't question the point of death, question your fear of it. What good does it do you to fear death? It is not something that you can predict nor even make assumptions of. When you die, you die. You go out the same way you came in, without any clue as to what the hell happened nor any memory of it.

"A housefly has a life of about 2 days. All it does is find food and then a place to lay eggs and then die peacefully. Why peacefully? Because it shall live even after its death in the larvae that will take birth. This was its aim in this world and it completed it successfully.A fly has the bliss of ignorance, we humans unfortunately do not have this luxury."

Firstly I pity the housefly, I pity every creature that does not have the luxury of thought. Mind you, humans are just as ignorant as the fly. A better way to put it would be that the fly is oblivious. What do we do before we pass? What about the countless sunsets, sunrises, starry nights, beaches, mountains, etc; and most of all love, friendships, relationships, happiness, joy, pride and every other thing that a human has the selfish privilege of experiencing? Even sadness.

The only thing that seperates us from animals is not our ability to think, nor our ability to speak, yet it is our ability to change things for the better. People may constantly tell you that you should live your life to the fullest..but who really does? What people don't realise is that there are billions(not millions) of people who will never get that chance. What about the people who struggle to even find food and water?



We, like every other creature on this Earth have one main purpose in life, and that is to breed. For what reason we exist is even a bigger mystery than what happens after death. But, I do know one thing, we take our ability to think and feel for more than granted. You don't think that if animals knew what thought and conscienceness meant, that they would not want it?

In the end, yes we all die, but it is not the way we die that defines us, it is the way that we lived.


Ever since man first appeared, a question has been asked.

What is the meaning of life?

In my opinion, the meaning of life is to live a meaningful life.

Get to the end and know you've had a good run.



A housefly has a life of about 2 days. All it does is find food and then a place to lay eggs and then die peacefully.
A human has the life span of a few decades. A human (Not in an exact particular order) is born, learns to speak and walk, makes friends, goes to school, discovers love , gets a job and becomes someone, gets married, has kids, has a house, watches their children become parents, watches their grandchildren grow up, a billion other mind-blowing amazing things and dies peacefully.

Do you envy the fly more or would the fly envy you more?

Goran said...

Please re-read the first half of the housefly part.

You want something scarier than death? How about trying to figure out why we are here, or even if we are really here?

There is no point in freaking out over death. Don't question the point of death, question your fear of it. What good does it do you to fear death? It is not something that you can predict nor even make assumptions of. When you die, you die. You go out the same way you came in, without any clue as to what the hell happened nor any memory of it.

"A housefly has a life of about 2 days. All it does is find food and then a place to lay eggs and then die peacefully. Why peacefully? Because it shall live even after its death in the larvae that will take birth. This was its aim in this world and it completed it successfully.A fly has the bliss of ignorance, we humans unfortunately do not have this luxury."

Firstly I pity the housefly, I pity every creature that does not have the luxury of thought. Mind you, humans are just as ignorant as the fly. A better way to put it would be that the fly is oblivious. What do we do before we pass? What about the countless sunsets, sunrises, starry nights, beaches, mountains, etc; and most of all love, friendships, relationships, happiness, joy, pride and every other thing that a human has the selfish privilege of experiencing? Even sadness.

The only thing that seperates us from animals is not our ability to think, nor our ability to speak, yet it is our ability to change things for the better. People may constantly tell you that you should live your life to the fullest..but who really does? What people don't realise is that there are billions(not millions) of people who will never get that chance. What about the people who struggle to even find food and water?



We, like every other creature on this Earth have one main purpose in life, and that is to breed. For what reason we exist is even a bigger mystery than what happens after death. But, I do know one thing, we take our ability to think and feel for more than granted. You don't think that if animals knew what thought and conscienceness meant, that they would not want it?

In the end, yes we all die, but it is not the way we die that defines us, it is the way that we lived.


Ever since man first appeared, a question has been asked.

What is the meaning of life?

In my opinion, the meaning of life is to live a meaningful life.

Get to the end and know you've had a good run.



A housefly has a life of about 2 days. All it does is find food and then a place to lay eggs and then die peacefully.
A human has the life span of a few decades. A human (Not in an exact particular order) is born, learns to speak and walk, makes friends, goes to school, discovers love , gets a job and becomes someone, gets married, has kids, has a house, watches their children become parents, watches their grandchildren grow up, a billion other mind-blowing amazing things and dies peacefully.

Do you envy the fly more or would the fly envy you more?

Jacquelyn said...

Tonight, someone very close to me died... 55 min. ago... he passed. I didn't know what to do. It's the middle of the night. No one is answering their phone, and my baby is asleep (thank God). I'm not that close with religion although I have my beliefs in a higher power... spiritual things, but I suck at the computer. Anyways, I found myself desperate to reach out to someone or something in order to communicate right now. I looked over at my dusty lap top, grabbed it, plugged it in, and here I am. I typed in the search space, "Death scares me," and 2 things came up. I chose this one, read it, and both the post and comment from Goran made me feel better. Not on an emotional level, because we don't know each other, but on an intellectual level. For what it's worth, I stopped crying... thank you...

Kunal said...

@Goran:
You are right Goran. We can think, we can feel and we can change. This is something that we ought to be glad about and I am grateful about too.
I am in no way going to exchange this life with that of a fly's.
And there are a hundred unanswered questions. This is one of them.

Everyone believes in living a meaningful for precisely the reason that we will die.
This post was a feeling that arose from the thought that even after this meaningful life it is the end.

And this scares me. Not the fact that we die but the fact that the end is an absoluteness..

@ Jacquelyn: I am sorry for your loss and I am glad that me and Goran were of any help to you..

hannah said...

Hi,

I also googled 'death scares me' and found this blog post....

I've been scaring myself silly with the idea of my death for the past 2 weeks, and have now come to the conclusion that it's natural to be scared...even if we have belief in a God.

My personal belief is sometimes not strong, and I am not a very religious person, so the idea of death would probably scare me more than someone who follows a religion....religiously.

However, I do think that there MUST be a purpose of life, we are just never meant to fully understand it..for it would obviously be too much for us to comprehend something that 'God' or a higher being created.

So from now on I will try not to drive myself too crazy over this, or i'll forget to just live my life as I should.

Otherwise, why were we even born?

You can really make yourslef literally insane from all of this, so with that said I'll end my comment here.

Anonymous said...

"A fly has the bliss of ignorance, we humans unfortunately do not have this luxury."
"“Outright hatred is better than complete ignorance.” Similarly hell seems a better option than no existence at all."

Rather a contradiction in your own words, if you relate not existing at all to ignorance, and you say a fly is blissful because it's ignorant, then what do you have to be afraid of? No matter how much a person knows he will still be ignorant. Think of science, it can define the laws of this universe but still doesn't know the meaning of life.

Instead of worrying about the future or regretting the past why don't you just cherish the present?
I forgot who said this but “Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” Fear of the future seems to be robbing you of your joy of life.